| When I was 6 years old, I started taking tuba | | | | |
| lessons. Not by choice of course. | | | | Just then, I noticed my teacher's Lamborghini |
| | | | Diablo sitting in the driveway. (Evidently |
| My parents had read an article about some | | | | Tuba instructors are raking it in.)The car |
| super-baby who joined college at the age of 6 | | | | had just had an amazing new cold air intake |
| and at the age of 7 became a renowned | | | | system put in and it was ready to race. No |
| astrophysicist. They figured that ol' junior | | | | time to hesitate, I told myself. It's now or |
| could use some mental development as well. | | | | never. |
| They probably went a little overboard. First | | | | |
| they got me a language tutor, then a chess | | | | I threw my tuba aside and jumped into the |
| instructor and then they even started to play | | | | car. |
| Mozart during dinner time! Finally came the | | | | |
| tuba lessons. | | | | The engine roared, and suddenly I was off, |
| | | | tearing down the street at 150 mph. I |
| At first it was fun. The instrument was | | | | couldn't really see over the wheel to where I |
| almost as big as I was, and I loved blasting | | | | was going but that didn't matter-speed was |
| into it until I fell from the chair | | | | the most important thing at that point. I |
| unconscious. But my tuba instructor didn't | | | | slowed down later, driving over people's |
| take kindly to my random noises. He held tuba | | | | lawns and making my way toward the coast. I |
| playing to be a sacred art, one worthy of the | | | | felt great. |
| utmost respect. | | | | |
| | | | As I headed toward the ocean, I had to drive |
| Every Saturday morning he would come to my | | | | along the edges of some cliffs, and that's |
| house with a bundle of papers - sheet music | | | | where I got into trouble. While trying to |
| and scales that he would make me practice | | | | make a fast turn, I lost control and the car |
| endlessly. Before I began, he would pull out | | | | spun off the road and over a cliff. I fell a |
| an old hourglass, give me a stern look, and | | | | thousand feet into a ravine and the car |
| then tip it over. If I made too many mistakes | | | | exploded into an enormous fireball. Luckily, |
| in a row, he would grunt and start the | | | | the force of the blast ejected me from the |
| hourglass again from the beginning. It was | | | | car and flung me back up to the top of the |
| torture. One Saturday, I had to play hot | | | | ravine where I lay unscathed. |
| cross buns for two straight hours! | | | | |
| | | | I made the 11pm news. The authorities |
| My mind grew numb over time and I only wanted | | | | described me as a 'precocious miscreant'. I |
| to escape. One day, I asked to be excused to | | | | told the cops that my teacher asked me to |
| empty my spit valve and tried to think of a | | | | destroy the car for insurance purposes. They |
| plan. There was no way I was going back in to | | | | promptly arrested him and gave him a life |
| face that hourglass. But what could be done? | | | | sentence. Problem solved! |
| | | | |
| I could rush my teacher, ram the tuba over | | | | Sure, my parents yelled at me for a couple of |
| his head and then make my escape, but the | | | | hours, but I think they were secretly proud |
| sound of this violence would probably get my | | | | that I had been called 'precocious'. |
| parents' attention… | | | | |